If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
