can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
worst night to have a conscience
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize