Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I touched a dick in church today
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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