just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
