I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize