And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
