my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize