i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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