I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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