my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
