Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
