Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He better not be in your backpack
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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