So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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