Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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