Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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