theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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