You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
