i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
