oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
