apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
