I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize