So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have tasted many bathrooms
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
