genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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