Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
