I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
