It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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