Can Purell be used as lube?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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