Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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