remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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