had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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