end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
