I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
