Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
