They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
