She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
