dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
