Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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