My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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