But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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