I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
