Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He? As in you personified your dick?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
