I didn't shave. On purpose
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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