i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
