How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
