the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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