So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
