but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
