i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
