If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
