just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
