watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
