I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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