fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
