Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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