she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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