just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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