Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
