Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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