Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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