bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
