I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
