she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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