Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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