Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
