It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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