Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
