I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
