he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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