I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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