We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
