We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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