it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
