he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
