at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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