My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
