I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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