I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
