one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
